Standing outside the sitter’s house, knocking on the entrance door to her in-home childcare center, I notice through the window that the toddlers are toddling freely and the bigs are glued to the TV. Minutes later, the caregiver swings the door open with shock on her face. I was early. She was being unattentive. How could I not have known this could happen?
An early afternoon call a few years later revealed the permission slip my child needed to watch the class movie had not been turned in. My child spent an hour and a half in another class that day instead of enjoying a film. Amidst the myriad of paperwork my children were bringing home each day, I had seen that slip. I let it slip.
A pediatrician reveals my children are low on iron. She asks “Where are the leafy greens in their diet?”
Parenting is hard.
Add to it that we are imperfect people and somehow, we’ve been convinced our children shouldn’t have flaws. Perfection is often the goal in our minds, or in the minds of those watching. It’s absurd.
As our children grow older we realize we shouldn’t say things like “my child would never do that”. We reach a point where we know we are doing the best we can with what we have. And for the believer, there’s always grace.
But when our babies step away on their own, and we hold our breath as they navigate this new life of theirs, a new emotion hits.
We spend eighteen years preparing our children and training them to be independent. We pour concrete into their foundation so they have a good surface to leap from. And when they land on both feet, we swell with pride.
But, when they don’t stick the landing, the guilt tries to slide in.
Mom guilt 2.0.
It’s a heavy heart of seeing what you perceive as a gap in your parenting play out in your adult children’s lives.
It’s the uh oh moment when your adult child lacks confidence in a particular area, and you tell yourself you could have prepared them a little better for that.
It’s the still small voice that says “They’re in this challenging season because you majored in the minors a little too much”.
Ephesians 4:32 says “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
I’m so glad our Father knew we would need encouragement like this. When we realize we’re carrying burdens from the past, whether they are real, or have been drummed up in our head, let’s start opening some of the gifts we’ve been given in God’s word. These words stick. They saturate and settle in. They bring life and lift the fog, exposing the beauty of this new season.
And it IS beautiful.
What if we gave ourselves the same grace we pour on our children? What if we remembered what it was like when we were their age and reminisced on the mistakes we made…and how they shaped who we are today? What if we extended the same forgiveness and optimism to ourselves that we bathed our children in from the time they were little?
Applying this scripture in Ephesians might look something like this:
Be compassionate towards your own heart.
Forgive yourself as Christ forgave you.
Be kind to yourself.
We aren’t to dwell on our mistakes, but acknowledge them, even discuss them with our children when appropriate, and move on. This is wisdom in the making.
And our grandchildren will look to us for that someday.
Lord,
Thank you for removing the guilt we sometimes carry as moms, and enabling us to walk fully in the grace you offer. You never intended our lack of perfection to become baggage to drag around. May our children take note of the compassion you cover us all with and extend that to us, and themselves, as well.
In Jesus name,
Amen
Simple Faith 